A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self
Dear fifteen year old me,
I know you're going through a lot. A lot of hard feelings involved, a lot of disappointments, a lot of pressure from yourself. And I can just tell you that things will go not as you planned it to be. Life is just far different from what you think it is. It is not as easy as you dreamed about. And life won't go the way you want it to be.
You've been through a lot. You've did great. You've achieved a lot. But yet, the sad truth is you're still not good enough to go out and face this world. You need more polishing and pressuring here and there. You need to be more mature in some ways. You need to think ahead before you do something. You still need a lot to learn.
I know that you've did a lot this past year. And they were great! I am proud. But know that life will not stop for a while just to cheer for your accomplishment. Life goes on. That's the piercing fact. You'll just need to applaud yourself and get back up and do the next thing. Some people just don't celebrate with you.
The past year has broke your heart too many times. A lot of expecting and disappointments. A lot of crushing and also literally crushed. Some people just doesn't belong to your path. They have a different road and you just don't have to dwell in sadness and just move on. One day, just make them regret.
I can tell that you have been brave. you have been braver in speaking up and showing how you feel. But honestly, somethings are just meant to be kept inside. Somethings are not meant to be said. You just got to think before you speak, think before you do, so you won't make silly and stupid mistakes. And honestly, somethings you've said were plain stupid and rude. Please don't do it again.
And I cannot assure you that everything is going to be alright. It is not. Life is like receiving a wrapped present. You don't know what is inside until you open it. And when you open it, there is a possibility that you might like it and there is a possibility that you might not. We can't pick just the good ones, we have to accept the sad truth too.
And until this day, I am still rowing my little boat in this big sea trying to figure out where to go. I am nowhere close to my destination. But yet I still keep rowing. Many times I know you wanted to give up, and I still do too. But as I see the stars at night, they were beautiful. They were the ones who kept me together, who kept me rowing.
Believe in your dreams. Don't care whether it'll be reality, but just keep on believing. Heartbreaks will heal over time, disappointments will be replaced with better things one day, your struggles and hard work will pay off. You just have to defeat yourself and press yourself down to get the best wine out of you. I know you'll make it out of the storm. There are no rainbows.
XOXO,
Nicole Theone